Better Late than Never

   It has been a little while since I wrote anything down not for lack of things to write about but time to write them down has limited lately.  So here I go, I got the electrical problem fixed for now and I finished all the drywall in the bedroom along with all the taping and mudding done and today Serena put down some texture on the walls which means that hopefully by this weekend we are putting some paint on the walls and finally get the carpet down and then start working on the plumbing for the bathroom.  Besides working my day job and not riding that is about all that has been going on lately

Life on the Road part 2

    Another week another city although Durango was kinda cool and this week is Cheyenne, WY.  While not a horrible place not a super cool place be because the wind is always blowing and that is definity not cool and I haven't ridden my bike in forever but it really has only been about two weeks.  Pretty salty right now to because we are still having problems with our electrical on our remodel.  Looks like it is going to take longer than expected but I guess that is par for the course so far, however long you think x5 oh well it will get done.  Hopefully before Claudio goes to college.  This has been a pretty good week though since on Thursday afternoon we decided to take off and get home early since it has been 2 weeks straight of being on the road.  It's funny because I didn't tell Serena that I was going to be coming home early and it was a nice surprise for the both of them.  Since I left on Sunday some things I missed was Claudio pooping in the potty and starting to pee by himself, wow can't believe how fast things are happening right now it seems that everyday he is doing something new and cool, I am so proud of him.
   Today I got out on my bike for the first time in a while and boy did I have an unexpected meeting with the pavement, I have feeling that I will be a little stiff in the morning with hit.  I find it funny that now I seem to always be grabbing my cross bike to go for a ride when if you asked me 5 years ago I would have laughed if you told me that.  I am hoping to get out and ride again on Sunday, not sure where I just know that I want to ride and ride my mountain bike, I will probably go ride in red rock park and hit the new medicine wheel trail I have heard that it is an awesome trail so I need to go and find out for myself.

On the Road Again

   I left on Sunday for Durango to work for the week and with not much to do while driving except drive, think, listen to some radio and watch the world go by at 65 mph.  Had some bad luck by getting pulled over and then some really good luck with the police officer letting me go with a verbal warning, saving me $170 and 4 points.  The more I keep doing this job the more I realize how lucky I am to have a job that pays pretty good and allows Serena to stay home and take care of Claudio, and live a comfortable life.  It is easy to fall into complacency and not challenge myself mentally and try to find something to help me mentally not be so bored and feel as though I am not truly living by following what my passion is, I also understand that I need to provide for my family so it limits my ability to just drop everything and pursue something that would make me happy and allow for more time at home and less time on the road and staying in places that I can't visit I can only see from a hotel window.  My ability to change my situation is limited due to responsibility but I am trying to be more creative and be present in the moment even if the moment is nothing more than being at work and doing the same thing having the same conversation and listen to the same story and same bullshit I have been listening to for 7 years, only now I don't have the benefit of smoking myself into another world. I started writing this blog to talk about bikes and bike related things but I don't have much to say about the thing I love and try to do more than breath but this turned into my Journal of sorts, not everything makes into this but most of it.
   Since I have not been smoking much pot my dreams have been really vivid and sometimes I can even feel things in them and smell things, it is creepy when I wake up and I still have these visions of what happened while dreaming and they stick with me all day, I can't seem to shake the feeling all day it just stays with me and I think about it all day and sometimes all week.  Do dreams mean something? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?   What is it telling me? maybe that I am an asshole? probably.  Maybe it's just a fucking dream and it doesn't mean anything except I am watching to much Sons Of Anarchy.  Which of course I am because it's Tuesday night and feels like Thursday already.  On a more up beat note I finished Reckless My Life as a Pretender and damn what a cool book if you like to read autobiographies, to see how somebody can write about their life and not leave out some of the most embarrassing moments and truly stupid things done under the guise of youth, learning about sexuality and experimenting with drugs and alcohol.  Definitely makes me glad I never got into anything hard and just smoked pot and drank, not that drinking hasn't ruined many lives and killed many people, but I never got so far in that I couldn't function without it or used it as a coping method for life, struggles and from feeling anything.  To be able to read someones story and to see how drugs were a negative force in their life and watch it destroy people and things that were once so important that nothing was going to stop what was destiny, then watch it all get buried figuratively and literally.  Great read that I will read again.  To me reading has become a drug of sorts so much that as soon as I am done with one I pick up another one and I am starting Get in the Van by Henry Rollins, I flipped through and was looking at all the Ray Pettibon art is really cool would have been cool to have been there for the beginning of the punk rock scene before it became a violent and hateful.    
   Family has been something that has not come easy for me I love Claudio and Serena but being a dad has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and it is rewarding and sometimes extremely difficult for me to deal with and understand, I envy the people that are awesome parents and were born to have kids they make it look easy but for me I struggle with it everyday.  Some days I wake up and wonder why they are still with and not packed up and moved far away from me and all my bullshit, but every day I wake up and realize that they haven't makes me happy and makes life the crazy adventure that it is.  Today I realized that I can no longer be stoned around Claudio and Serena I think because I need to work so hard to be a good dad that it just makes me someone I am not and the way Claudio looks at me and I think he knows that I am not completely present with him at that time and maybe he doesn't know shit and I am just being a paranoid stoner. Maybe.

Progress and Set Backs

   Holy shit another week almost gone and here I sit at my computer trying to put some thought into what I am writing and it seems like someday I could write a novel and then there are times like this where just one sentence is like pulling teeth, but here I go anyways.  As much as I like remodeling I never really had to live in the spot that I was working in, such is the way when it's your house and you are doing most of the work.  Kinda disappointed that I can't finish the drywall since we don't have our electrical problem solved but I am hoping that come Monday Roy has a solution and we can throw another problem at him, to move the light switch from outside the bathroom and move it inside I can't remember why he didn't move it inside and quite honestly I didn't even care I thought it was kinda cool and quirky and gave it something unique.  Lets see if he can get it moved since it is not yet finished up then I can finish the drywall and start to do the stuff I am not very good at, not that I am good at hanging drywall just worse at doing corner bead and joint taping.  Thursday night after work I got home and had a go at doing some outside corners and let me say that I definitely lost any ability to sling the mud, not that I had that much to lose.  Overall thou I am happy how things are turning out, I am getting excited to get the plumbing started and get some tile laid.
   Not sure how the weekend will play out but I am hoping that on Saturday I can get Claudio to come with me and have a guys day out of the house, with the nice weather I would like to be outside if he isn't sick.  Now that would be cool since Serena will be home and not working another craft show thingy where she can have some time to do what ever she wants to do, although if I know Claudio he won't leave mamas side, which is getting tough to deal with and really sucks because I don't always want to be the third wheel when out and about, I love going out as a family but sometimes I would like to have the little guy all to myself and get to enjoy him and get to know him a little better. To be able to spend a few hours just the two of us is something that I really enjoy and I know that coming up in the next two weeks I won't be home a lot and so things are going to regress some as it always does when I have to travel for work, it makes coming home kinda like going to the dentist, the anxiety of what is to come, then it takes a couple days for the pain to subside or in this case a couple days for anything other than wanting to be next to mom.  Oh well at least while I am out of town working I can go and get a new tattoo, not real sure what I am going to get but I have few ideas and I am trying to narrow it down to a couple of them.  Thinking about it now I have it figured out what and where I may even post a pic of it on either Instagram or here since nobody reads this it is safe to say nobody will see it.
   An update on what I am reading Reckless My Life as a Pretender is a really good read and super interesting how things sometimes just come together and happen whether you are ready or not, I am really enjoying reading about how a band comes together and how stressful it is to be in a band, definitely not a normal way to live and to travel. I am envious of the way they get to travel and see the country whether it is Europe or America, I travel but it is different in so many ways since my free time is in the evening and my travel companion is like a bump on a log that has no interest in what is outside of the hotel room.  I am working on getting myself out there and exploring the cities I travel to even if it make me feel guilty about it when Serena is at home dealing with our little wild creature that we made.  I think the thing that I dislike most about traveling for work is the change in my diet I end up eating out for dinner every night and I know that it isn't the most healthy thing to be doing for myself considering that when I am at home I try not to drink during the week and I eat pretty healthy most of the time, I do have days where I eat like shit at home but its once in a while not almost every night, I am trying to lose my belly not get a bigger one oh well that is just one thing else to work on but like everything else in life one thing at a time.  I am hoping to get out and explore Durango while I am there since I have never been there for any length of time, lets hope for some good weather and none of this cold that seems to follow me whenever I go somewhere and want to see the town.
  Some things I would like to like to improve is pushing myself into uncomfortable situations, not anything stupid like a bank robbery, but things that make uncomfortable, not even sure what this means but maybe getting older I feel that I need to push past what I know and maybe learn something new?  Maybe finally start using Rosetta Stone and learn Italian? That would make Serena happy, but its hard to study something that is really hard for me, it  might be something I work on when I am alone because if the family is around there is too much of a distraction and I am not sure I will even learn it since I am a stone head but hey by the end of the year I might know more than how to order a coffee and a beer!!! Only time will tell.  I think I am gonna end this one here, I guess I had more to say than I thought

best jerk sauce 

 

The Start of a Remodel

    Well another week and it seems like I can't catch my breath with life happening and it doesn't stop for a second 2 weeks gone in February if I blink I might miss the rest. Do you think I will let that happen? Nope don't think so.  So lets get this thing going, here at Casa Vannello we are adding a 1/2 bathroom in the downstairs and that means lots of work and money and call to my Uncle Roy for help because lets face it I hang drapes and it has been quite awhile since doing some real construction work and I am not an electrician or a plumber or a framer or a drywall guy or a tile guy or a finish carpenter, but Roy is all of those things and he did teach me a thing or two about each and everyone of those trades. So he is here to help with the two things and matter the most and can be a real pain in the arse if you know what I mean? If not then let say that it is the plumbing and the electrical, because if it isn't plumbed right it leaks or backs up and that is unacceptable, I don't want to flood the guest room with poop!!!! And if it isn't wired right......well I don't want to burn this bad boy down or die or kill my family in a house fire that was caused by me!  That would be bad JuJu bro.  So I made the call and over the weekend I started to demo everything and get it ready for some good shit to happen.  Monday Roy shows up and we start to get a plan about how everything will work and what can and can't be done, we make some compromises and bam we are cooking with fire.  Within the first couple days we get walls up and some wire run and immediately we run into an electrical issue that takes pretty much the rest of the week to figure out, although as I write this there still isn't any power downstairs and I am not going to be able to do it without help, I am sure I could figure it out but after how long? A week a month? I have faith thou so I am not stressed about it yet, I think.  I don't think I knew how much actually where going to need to see this threw to the end with all the little things and even some of the big things, I am glad to have Secchi here because she is always level headed and she knows more than I think she does about what is needed, it has surprised me and made the whole thing easier she even chipped up all the tile in the entry way like a champ she made me proud. With working at work I have been coming home and working with my uncle until 6ish and I miss working with him, what a great guy to have around me, makes me happy to know that he is willing to help me out, I don't miss the inconsistency of the work but working with lumber and the saws and nail guns makes me miss the remodel biz, don't get me wrong I enjoy what I do now because it is easier on my body, but having to deal with the people I work with is making me fucking crazy one is a selfish know it all and other one is like a rabid dog on cocaine so it seems like all my energy is wasted on keeping myself together and not become someone who can't see all good that has come my way because of these two guys they have really been good to me.  Can't complain to much since I really only work about 3/4 of the time most people do and make more than most and I am not killing my self at work either.

before

progress

   With the weekend over and not much changed with the wiring I hope we have the wiring wrapped up on Monday, since I have the day off.  By the end of the day I will have the closets framed up and ready for drywall, not sure if I should tile first but I feel that it would just get mega dirty with all the drywall work that needs to be done, not to mention texture and paintings.
  The weekend came and went and I didn't get much reading done or really anything else.  Although I did get out for a ride on Sunday and it was cool to get to ride with the boys, I know I don't ride with other people very often and I think I am left feeling unsatisfied with how I feel during and after such rides where I can't find a good rhythm.   I am really loving my new frame bags, one of the best investments I have ever made being able to take off the backpack has been really important in regulating my temperature during my rides, its nice to know that the money spent on my jerseys and nice base layers was worth it now that they can work.  I got to spend the day with Claudio just me and him and what a fun time we had at the indoor play area, for 2 hours all he did was run and jump in the bouncy castle except for the 5 minutes that he stopped to eat some tortilla chips.  Pretty cool to see him run and slide and really hold his own even with bigger kids trying to push the younger ones around he stood his ground and I was proud of him.  It seems like the day he turned 3 he became even more whinny and hard to deal with, potty training has been one big pain in the ass with some days he wants to wear underwear and some days the diaper and the fact that I can't even be in the room while he pees is hard to deal with because when Serena leaves he holds it until she gets back.  So much teaching him to pee outside? Oh well maybe when he is older.  

Snow storms and snowshoes

    The week started out with a big snow storm that dropped about 15" of white gold, I was happy to see some snow and a lot of it was even better, I have been needing to get out and get some adventuring in so when work canceled on Friday and with Serena and Claudio in Iowa I took Benji and we went to the mountains.  What a beautiful day to be out with the dog out in the mountains some of the trail was packed out but we got enough breaking trail to make both of us tired and ready to relax.  Conditions couldn't have been better the snow was soft and fluffy with mostly untracked trail. Benji was so excited after being stuck in the house the previous day he was running up and down High Dr on our way up to bear creek, I haven't seen him like that in quite awhile it was good to see him acting like a pup.

my favorite trail sign

 

   This is where the fun starts not sure how far up the trail we made it but it sure felt like triple to  what it actually was, but holy cow it was fun and I even got to go and get some High Grade Food from my friend Everton, man that guy makes the best Jamaican food I have ever eaten.  While I was out getting my snowshoe fun in Serena was in Iowa meeting with the great doctor Morcuende and I am happy that Claudio is not in a cast or ready to have another tendon lengthening operation because then I am afraid that Serena will want to stay out there for more than a week and I don't think that is a good idea but we will figure that out when we come to that bridge, I just hope we don't need to cross that one it make me nervous just thinking about it. As much as I am thankful for everything positive that has come with Iowa the one big negative is that it is so far to travel and if we go as a family it gets to be rather expensive and I can't afford to miss work, even though I wouldn't actually miss work.  Being close to home would be nice if and when Claudio will need to be casted again.
     Saturday started with a nice wake up in the form of Benji licking my face to let him out and me just being completely hung over and wishing I could handle my lack of drinking prowess better, oh well just suck it up and quit being a pussy is all I can say about that and since the family was going to be coming home later in the day I had one thing on my mind besides coffee and that was to get ready to go snowshoe with Jay and Benji up in Monument and wow what an adventure we would have once me and the dog got Jay moving in the direction of the front door because he was feeling the late night of drinking just as much as me if not even more, insert evil laugh.  Since it was going to be such a nice day out I didn't push to hard.  Once we got ready and start our little trip I forgot about being hungover all together and just really enjoyed being outside with my good friend and my dog, Benji definitely wasn't as wild as the day before and thank god because we might have lost him to chasing down the deer but to my surprise he listened for a change and didn't go chasing them down.  After that first encounter the rest of the day would go smooth and we did a lot of free shoeing around the Monument Preserve, not sure which is harder going up something steep or trudging through the flats?  One thing I do know for sure is that snowshoeing is my favorite winter time activity, no driving for hours and spending a bunch of money at a ski resort, I do miss snowboarding, the speed, the powder days and the tree runs but what I don't miss is the drive to and from. With all the driving I do for work I would much rather spend time doing and less time driving to get out.
    We are starting our first big project of the year and we have been taking the house apart to get the new bathroom started and with that I have my Uncle Roy coming down from Denver to help me get the plumbing done and the electrical done, while I can drywall and lay tile myself I needed his expertise in getting the two most important things done right because if the plumbing isn't done right we have a nasty problem and if the electrical isn't done right I burn the house down so the decision to call in the pros was easy.  Can't wait to get this project going I think Serena has a good idea of what colors to paint and the type of tile that will make it look good while I have the job of executing her ideas, lets hope I can make it look as good and she thinks it will look, I have my fingers crossed. Overall it has been a really good week, and I can say for certain that I am glad that Serena and Claudio are home because it is just to quite and lonely in the house when they are gone, sure its nice to have the house to myself and to get out and see my friends without a timer running but I don't sleep very good alone anymore and I can't even sleep in the bed I always end of sleeping on the couch.

Benji

1 down 11 more to go

   Can't believe January is done and gone and I have no idea where it went.  This month I have spent more time on the road than I have in a long time and there are some things that I enjoy about being on the road such as getting to see a town or city I would never in a million years want to go to and see, mostly because there is nothing to see or do unless drinking is your life which it is not mine.  Lately I have been really enjoying reading Reckless; My Life as a Pretender by Chrissie Hynde, I am by no means a book reviewer and my opinion is only worth..........well not much but I have really enjoyed reading it so far, as I am not finished yet and soon as I am I will post a full review.  Another auto biography I finished recently was Spray Paint the Walls; The story of Black Flag by Steve Chick was a very cool read if your a punk rock fan or somebody that likes music.  It gave me a very good perspective on just how hard people in bands work and how little the make when not a big mainstream band.  It was very cool to learn about one of the most influential band not only across the country but in my own life.  Henry Rollins of Rollins Band was my first taste of punk and from there I found Black Flag and many other punk bands and little by little I am re listening to and reading about all the bands that had influenced me in my early years.  One thing about reading these books is that I would have loved to see them in concert, I have been fortunate in my life to have seen some really good live music.  I also realize that hard work and determination to do the things you want can make it happen, maybe not the way you thought or it might never happen but hard work will help.
   The kid turned 3 on January 28th and it was a good day for that little goon, he had a party at school and he actually ate a doughnut I couldn't believe it!  The kid who eats nothing except chicken nuggets and......ice cream and .......well not much else.  On Saturday we had two parties one in the morning with all his friends and let me say that I had my doubts about 9 kids running wild in not a big house and let me tell you that they did awesome no crying and not much whining at all, Serena made pizza which impressed everyone, only because they never had Secchi pizza.  Even the parents were in a good mood which helps out more than anything, just wish at least one of the kids dad would show up.  Can't complain thou because everything turned out okay.  Then after about an hour it was time for the family to come over and hang, Claudio was happy to get hang with all the family. I really enjoy having family close, but not to close I prefer the company of my good friends way more.  Not sure what that says about me but not sure I even care.  With all the birthday stuff out of the way reality comes and rears its ugly head in the form of Serena and Claudio going out to Iowa for an appointment to get his feet looked at by the best damn Doctor in the world Dr. Morcuende one of the best guys in the business.  One day I will take him out for a beer and tell him how amazing he has been not only for a couple of parents that knew nothing about clubfoot but also how awesome he is for Claudio.  The travel sucks and is expensive but I think in the end it will be the best thing for him, to go from a Doctor that wasn't forth coming with information about what was going on and not for me anyways knowing what was going to happen next and really not understanding the whole process to the best is quite possible the coolest thing to see I feel that we are the most lucky.  To have the means to go there when we need to and not to have to worry, I will be a Hawkeye fan till the day I die for what they gave me and my son.

Later

Making good on my Resolution

   Damn I think I drive to much, lately there have been a lot of weird dreams in which I am looking out the front window of my vehicle and all I see is everything passing me by, such is life I guess when you drive 20-30 thousand miles a year and none of it is for vacation.  Oh well enough bitching about it work is work and it pays the bills and keeps me bike parts.  Sometimes I think about switching career paths but when I really only work 3/4 time it makes looking for something full time seem like a joke, 40 hours a week? I don't think I have done that in a long ass time.  One thing that has been killing me this last month is that I haven't ridden my bike once and I don't count taking the dog around for an hour a ride since I have to stop and pick up poop and keep an eye out for other peoples dogs not on leash or just plain aggressive dogs ( a tazer should would be nice now again).  I have been riding on the trainer I got for when it gets cold or I don't have time to get out, it is like methadone for a heroin addict, it helps keep the beast at bay but does not make it better.  Since getting out and riding looks like it might happen here in the next few days I am getting kinda antsy in pantsy.  Even if I don't get out and ride the weather has been really good and I think I am just lacking motivation to.........not sure just not feeling like riding in the cold and wind and such, maybe I am getting old or something.
   The week has been good so far as I finally picked up my frame bag from a good friend who makes some of the best bags in the business thanks Joe at J_paks, the wait was killing me since I placed my order in July of 2015. How does the waiting measure up to the bags well lets just say I am more than pleased at the end product and if I had more of voice on social media it would probably help him out but since I don't, sorry Joe. I can't wait to load those bad boys up and get em dirty.  Plus it was cool to get to hangout with Joe and his wife Kristen.  I am hoping to do a bikepacking trip with Joe, Kristen, and Jay this 4th of July weekend, I need to start looking for a good route somewhere I haven't been.

new packs make it look better

  Super stoke that I got to get out and go for a ride today, the first one in a long time and it started out kinda shitty because of me and then I warmed up and it was awesome I was rolling along with my new bags. It was nice to be out in the sunshine taking pictures of which I am not very good at but I think with some practice it should start to get better...I hope anyways.  The last couple years I have been using Strava and I think I am going to back of using since I have no aspirations of racing I don't need to keep track of miles and elevation.  It's cool to see other peoples rides but my own rides aren't anything special and don't need documentation.  One good thing about my ride today is my new bags I love having storage on my bike and dividers for days with lots of different options, LIFE IS GOOD!!!  Can't wait to get these bad boys loaded and go on a weekend bike trip.

 

Happy fucking New Year

Happy New Year!!!!!

   New year means.............shit I have no clue but it is as good a time as any to start doing something different than I have been doing, instead of the same fucking thing every year. Don't get me wrong I love doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over, but not really I have been in kinda a funk for the last year.......maybe longer who knows? It doesn't mean I am gonna be nicer or less of an ass, well maybe only time will tell that but lets not get to far ahead ourselves now. Back to my original thought about new things and whatnot, I am not an artist or anything but I would love to become have a glimmer of art so I am going to try to post once a week not a lots of pictures, mostly words, sort of like a journal except I don't want to scare anyone with what is always going on in my head but some of it like some ideas and things I would like to accomplish. I am sure that not all things are possible but a guy can dream and I dream big so there. Some things are going to be personal and if your offended then well get over it and move on or dwell on it and then well I don't really care.
    With that bit out of the way some things about what I would like to see happen this year for myself, limit my drinking to social occasions and definitely reel back the smoking weed, been in a haze for to fucking long and its time that I don't use it as a crutch and let myself feel some that shit. I have found that I like tattoos and since getting my first one and then a second I want to get some more (sorry mom).  I think it would be okay if maybe I try to be a better husband too, which is basically quit being a dick.  A better dad to my little guy, be more patient and understanding, I have a long road ahead if I don't chill the fuck out, also cut down of the cussing would be a good one to throw in there but lets not get to crazy.  Work lets just say that maybe it could be better and it could be a whole lot worse so lets just try not to go back to digging ditches. Trying to get my ass in shape and not just by riding bicycles and getting grumpy that I mostly ride by myself, I actually kinda like solo missions just saying that it would be nice to have some company now and again, you know someone to pedal with is always good.  I need to get myself out there more too be a little more social and less reclusive its easy to stay home when I travel for work and am gone all week in a hotel room with the same guy all day and night so I have been getting out and doing some things myself.  Maybe learn an instrument this year it's something I have always wanted and never done, maybe the guitar or something. I would love to send a short story to a bike magazine just to see if I could, I don't care if it gets published just get myself out there more. I think that is all for now gonna try to write more this week and hopefully post once a week around Sunday or Monday,